Ep 2: Learn to fly: How to change jobs, jump out of an airplane, and ultimately put yourself first
***this is a transcript from my podcast Design+, episode 2: how to fly ***
So I will not. Give myself fully to something that hasn’t given itself fully to me. That sounds logical, Sounds reasonable. Sounds like something we should all be doing every day, every moment of our lives. But it’s not. Why? why are we doing Why aren’t we fully cognizant? Aware. Conscious. Of. What we are putting our energy into. That it is not being reciprocal and giving the same amount of energy into us. What do I mean by this? Most of us. End up. Or remain in relationships. That aren’t serving us. These relationships can be toxic one sided. They can be at work.
Most of them, at least in my life, have been at work. They can be in our families, in our friendships. And of course, in particular with our romantic relationships. And who we really decide to be the most vulnerable, the most naked, the most exposed? And I don’t think that any one of us really thinks. How are we really being treated? Is this person? Is this environment? Is this job? Really serving me as much as I’m serving it. I’ve been in jobs for example.
Of course, for money we all need to survive and eat and make a living. But I’ve been in jobs where. I felt like I was giving 110% and I’m sure you, you know this feeling, you can relate. Where you are thinking about that job when you’re not at the job, You’re thinking about how people treat you, Trying to put on the best face, the best mask, the best appearance. And you’re doing your utmost to make sure that things are done correctly, that there’s nothing. That you can be seen as fault. And yet. You’re unhappy with the relationships at work because there could be side comments or.
People don’t look forward to the conversation. People aren’t as enthusiastic people. Don’t give you the credit. People don’t inform you of things. Any different instance could be happening. And. Ultimately, you’re not feeling fulfilled. You’re not feeling. That. This. Job, this person, this relationship, The environment that you’re in is not as committed to you as you are to it. With relationships, it could be as simple as.
Why aren’t they responding to your text? Why don’t they want to show a part of themselves or show you love expressed to you kindness and generosity in the way you do it? Now some of this we can kind of turn to ourselves and ask, OK, have we made it clear? Do we know? That they know. What our expectations, what our desires are.
If it’s in a job, what’s the job responsibility? How is the team supposed to operate? And if things aren’t made clear? Number one, do you feel comfortable asking the questions? Do you know who to ask to? If you don’t feel comfortable, is there someone who is an ally, some sort of colleague, a friend that you can turn to? And it’s not.
If you still don’t know if things aren’t made clear. How are you feeling with that uncertainty? Do you wanna stay in an environment? In a relationship, In a situation? Where you feel unclear and things feel messy, foggy. End.
For some instances it’s OK. Because I know I’ve been in situations where I just needed the money. It’s a part time job. It’s a temporary job. The commute is horrible. The people I don’t like, maybe they don’t like me. But I’m hanging in because I have a goal. I know what my vision is and I know what the light at the end of the tunnel is, and that’s what I was working towards. So it was bearable. It was OK. And whenever anybody asked me how things were going, things were OK. I’m doing fine. Not great. But things are OK. And if you know. That is bearable for a temporary. Framework situation scenario, then it’s OK. But if things still don’t feel OK. Knowing that there is uncertainty. Knowing that you will probably be in this alone because you can’t take your friends and your loved ones into the job with you. And no matter how many mantras and crystals and incense and I love those things, don’t get me wrong.
But there’s only so much that you can do to change your environment. Or to change the situation without fully letting it go? And accepting what it is for what it is.
So. I bring up this topic today because. I was thinking the other day about. How? Lifestyles. Jobs. All of it, how we are creating our own lives now. And how we are? Accepting. Of what? Kind of. The cards were dealt with and were not, Or at least I have not been fully attentive in thinking. You know, I don’t feel. That. Even if I’m giving my best I’m getting the best out of this situation. Ideally, relationships and jobs are reciprocal. You get paid for the amount of time you put in. But that amount of time it could be. Just the amount of hours, quantity or it could be quality, it could be a good amount of. Work on a project. That you feel. You nailed and that you get compensated for that. So.
This theme about reciprocity. And are you getting out what you put back in? Just like in anything else, you know, when we go to exercise to move our bodies. The reciprocity is that you feel more energized, hopefully and more mobile, and your tendons and muscles and all the anatomical structures in your body feel loosened and maybe stronger. And so you’ve got something out of it, no matter how small the amount of exercise you put in. So. Some questions, some food for thought. Would be. Number one. Naming it what are the situations? The relationships, The environments? That you are in or that are around you.
They are not as committed to you as you are to it.
Now this is a hard pill to swallow, like they say, because it’s uncomfortable. Who wants to admit? Or recognize that? Maybe the person you love doesn’t love you as much or isn’t as. Maybe love isn’t the word, but isn’t as attentive to you. Isn’t gonna? Isn’t their love language. Isn’t your love language. And sometimes that’s the first step. And hopefully with that first step then things get better. With that person. You can just hopefully feel comfortable talking with them and let them know. Have that transparency that honesty fits at a job. Same thing I’m unclear about the expectation. Ask questions continuously. And part of this work is not caring. Not caring what people think of you, Not caring how the question is going to land because you’re doing this for yourself.
It is a very selfish and it is a very putting yourself first initiative. Because it’s only when we start with ourselves.
That anything makes sense. You have to start with yourself, where your commitments are, what’s going on in your life, and what feels good. What doesn’t feel good? And all the rest. So that’s the first question. What is actually going on? Who am I with? What are the situations I’m in that I feel fully invested in or I feel like I’m getting drained? I don’t feel like there’s any reciprocity here.
Number two, kind of alluded to it already. Are the next steps OK? What can I ask to get clarity? Who do I need to talk to? What do I need to really know? And this is a bit again about being the salt, getting selfish self inquiry. What is it that you really want to get out of this situation if it’s a job? Because those are in some ways maybe easier to deal with. Not always, of course. If it’s a job, you ask yourself, OK, am I satisfied with the money? Is this a money problem? Is this a commute lifestyle problem? Is this a lack of passion? Lack of opportunity? Creativity problem? What is it that is not? My equation What is it that 2 + 2 does not equal 4? What is it that I need that I’m not getting? Out of this situation. The same thing you ask yourself about the relationship. The environment that you’re in, whatever it is. And that would be whatever the second, third questions.
To ask yourself and then finally. Are the next steps. So now that you’ve put together. Kind of your analysis. Of what the situation is going on? Where you don’t feel. Reciprocity. In your life. Now you have to do that balancing act. Of OK. Am I willing to change jobs? Am I ready? What do I need to do financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, whatever it is. All of the things.
Now you start planning and you start figuring out what your next steps are. Because. Also, throughout all of this process, that is not easy. Is compassion. Immense, complete, total compassion for yourself. Because you are in this alone. Nobody is holding your hand. Nobody is telling you how to do this. What is right? What is wrong?
Because only you know your N compass. And what is right for you in your life in the way you want to live your life in where you see yourself going 5–10 however many years from now.
So you hold your own hand in this. And you ask yourself, OK, what am I willing to do? What is it that? I have access to and I feel capable of that feels. Maybe safe, Maybe not so safe a calculated risk. And you start the planning. Because I will say. If you stay. And this is not to scare you, but sometimes scary news or or scary notices are helpful because they. Can propel us forward.
They get that fire under our butts. But. If you stay where you’re at in a situation, relationship, environment. That you are not giving your all or that you’re not getting your all.
And you feel dissatisfied and. Bitter and hopeless and all of these things that we don’t want for ourselves….How would you feel staying in your situation? For another month. OK, that feels OK for now.
What about the next six months? Half a year? Maybe your birthday has passed. Maybe other people’s birthdays have passed.
The trade-off that you’re willing to make to stay in discomfort.
Because everything comes at a price. Nothing is for free. The air that we breathe has been provided to us by the trees. We then inhale, and exhale the carbon dioxide, which then nourishes the trees. The food that we eat has been given to us by the vegetables and the grass and the harvest. We then internalize, digest it in our anatomies. Release it, and then that again gets internalized by the Earth. Everything is reciprocal in life, is what I’m saying.
There is nothing that is just taken or just given.
Which is? A large part of why we’re having the problems we’re having in the environment today. Because of a lot of the social structures. That aren’t sustaining.
That aren’t built with the reciprocal. We are our own microcosms, Micro Universes, and we also are. Living and breathing reciprocity. So. Start to. Take a step back, pause, and I will say that is one of the hardest things even before you start to plan and analyze and figure your **** out. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that word here on Spotify, but here you go.
The hardest thing is pausing and recognizing, stopping and thinking. Hey. I’m actually not doing OK. This job sucks. I’m not happy in this relationship. What needs to change? And therapy. Medicine, medicinal herbs, All these other things could be bandages. They could be definitely helpful. And at the end of the day, action needs to be taken.
And that’s where these questions that I’ll live, I’ll leave linked down below. That’s where all of that happens. Is you. Taking that Selfish. That being reciprocal towards yourself, that self-love towards yourself and taking that action forward saying OK enough is enough. Last episode we talked about the Yamas. And we talked about the five principles from the yoga philosophy, Kind of eight limbs of yoga. That can help you start to question and think how you’re showing up in your life, how you are. Building your life and. Putting the pieces together so that you are your own best example. You are your own best friend and lover and soul mate and all the things because everything starts and ends with you.
Thinking about really what is in your life right now? What’s going on in your current situation? And what is it that? You’re saying to yourself, you feel within yourself.
Enough is enough.
I can endure a little longer. But in a week and two weeks, however long, I’m giving my notice. Or I need to start applying to other jobs, or I need to get on building that business? Or I need to to have a strong conversation with this person, my family member, whoever. And then you can start building in and incorporating the things like the therapy, like the medicine, medicinal herbs and meditation and all these other tools and things that support you in that action. But it’s taking the action first. Or it’s recognizing, I should say that action needs to be taken because then you know if I’ve never, you know, jumped out of a plane before.
But. First you got to decide to jump out of the plane. Then you can book it and you find the people who are experts and going to help you support you, fly you up in the sky, however, thousands of feet up in the air. And then if you can’t push yourself, then you have those people, those allies and supporters and friends and loved ones. Who push you? Who help you fly?
And that’s what this is. So. I’m going to end this episode. With. This. Loving message to you saying that you deserve to fly. You have everything you need inside you. That doesn’t mean that you have to be. Everything for yourself, all the time. That’s what we’re talking about with reciprocity. That you deserve.
And it’s just the natural order of things for everyone to receive. What they are given, what you give out, you take in. And just a very beautiful, organic, sustainable nourishing. Way of life.
And you deserve that. You deserve a beautiful job, beautiful relationships with yourself, with others. That you feel that. Honest. Authentic, give and take. And if you’re not feeling those things now, with whoever or wherever, then. You know action needs to be taken. I will leave the questions that I’ve mentioned before linked below. I make a transcript of these episodes for those who are readers like myself, or who would like to sit down with this content, soak it in a different way.
until next time. Big Hug and I’ll talk to you then.
